Hush-hush about love?

You have recently started seeing someone and are extremely thrilled. You want to shout at the top of your voice and tell all that you have found your soul mate. But, then your partner tells you to keep mum about the relationship.

It’s not an uncommon phenomenon; there are several people who like to keep their romance a top secret affair. They might have their own reasons for doing so, but most of the time they end up disappointing their partner.

Dr Sanjay Chugh, psychiatrist says, “It is not necessary for everybody to talk about their relationship status with all and sundry. Some people are secretive by nature and wait for the right time. Others might like to keep quite because of family pressure. Similarly there can be several other reasons too, but if you fail to convince your partner about your behaviour he/she might take it in a negative context.”

So let’s check out why do some people hide their relationship from their family, friends and is it actually a wise thing to do?

More than ‘Just Colleagues’
It’s a great feeling to be around your partner for almost eight hours everyday. However, it would be better to keep your private life, private at work.

Ritika Sharma, a content writer is going around with one of her colleagues. Though the relationship they share is beautiful, but their co-workers make every possible way to make them feel uncomfortable.

She reveals, “If he doesn’t come for a day, people ask me about his whereabouts. The moment we step out for a smoke, all heads turn towards us. Many times, I have overheard people gossiping about us. At times it irritates me so much that I find it difficult to concentrate on my work.”
The way out: Dr Sameer Parikh, psychiatrist suggests, “Try to be professional at work even if your co-workers know about your relationship. Flirting in front of others, long chats post lunch or those water cooler glances are a complete no no. May be your boss will also start considering you unprofessional because of this behaviour. Try to look at the brighter side too. Keeping a distance during office hours may increase the excitement in your bond.”

Just broke up…
It’s a nice idea to give yourself sometime after a bad break to avoid making the same mistakes again. But some people get lucky early…

Manish Rawat, a software engineer says, “After dragging my relationship for nearly a year, I was quite determined about not dating any girl for a long time. Then one of my friends confessed her feelings foro me and I had no reason to say no. All my friends knew about my first affair. I though if I introduced a new girl to them, they might think I am a Casanova and it’s nothing more than a passing fling. I think that would be quite humiliating for my partner too. So I plan to keep quite for a few more months.”
The way out: Dr Chugh advises, “Before broadcasting your relationship to the world, first be sure of it yourself. After a break up, generally, people rush into a relationship and later they realize it’s not worth it. So there is no harm in keeping quite about your rebound situation, till the time you feel completely into it.”

Telling my parents, you must be joking!
Not everybody has a cool set of parents who are hunky dowry with their child’s romantic association.

Shriya Gupta, a bank employee shares, “I am dating a guy for the past three years. His clan knows about our relationship and now he wants me to break the news to my family. He feels bad whenever I lie to my parents for meeting him. I belong to a conservative family, where being in love is no less than a sin. If they get to know about our relationship, they might force me to get married to someone else. I don’t know how I should convince him on this.”
The Way out: Dr Parikh says, “It’s unfortunate that even in today’s age, love marriages are looked down upon. You should look for the right time and correct way to say what is on your mind. If you think your mother is a soft target, convince her first. Meanwhile, tell your partner about what all you are going through. His support will become your strength.”

Need no opinions
There are people who share even knick and knacks about their romance with their friends and seek their help regarding their next move. But not everybody has the same plan…

Prakriti Chaudhary, a fashion-designing student holds, “The moment I told my friends about a new guy I was dating, everyone was desperate to know the gory details. Obviously not everyone was impressed and said some negative things too. Initially, I thought it would help me accessing him in a better way. Now I realize they only highlighted his shortcomings. At times, I took their perceptions about him so seriously that we ended up fighting. I think my friends are simply insecure with the fact that I have somebody more important in my life.”
The way out: “Your friends are no less than a blessing in your life most of the times, but at times they may ruin things too. Your closest friend might hate your beloved from the core of her heart just because she does not get to know every detail about you now. You are not always available for her. Hiding your relationship from your friends is not practically possible for long, but try to keep their invasion limited,” says Dr Chugh.

I was simply embarrassed
Not everyone have a noble reason to hide his/her relationship. It might be an indirect indication that, ‘Please leave’.

Amita Singh, a media person confesses, “I met this guy in college. He was quite fond of me and used to call me everyday several times. I loved the attention. As he was not those dude types, I was not very keen on being sighted with him in college. I never used to talk to him in front of my friends and used to meet him on weekends only. Soon I realized he had big plans with me. I decided to just call it off, but he was not ready to understand so I simply told him I am getting engaged.”
The way out: Dr Parikh tells, “I think in a relationship it is very important to read the indirect signals too. If your partner denies meeting you in public and refrains talking about you in front of others, you should try to find out the reason. If you don’t get a satisfying answer, then it’s quite possible that your bond will soon become a history. Rather than making it an ego issue, try to move on and learn from your mistakes.”