When mom’s a girl’s best friend

Mothers and daughters often have a complicated relationship, so when the two are close as adults, is everything great?

In Life is Perfect, the relationship between the daughter and her mother is central to the story. They are both heavily involved in each other’s love lives. The daughter fights her mother’s battles against her father, and confides in her about her own. Says Himani Dalmia, the author, “ Diwali is a family festival during which one is forced to take out time from a busy schedule and experience the joy and comfort of families. I have spent most of my Diwalis with my mother, who has been the focal point of the family. We have decorated the house together, organised the pujas and hosted family dinners.”

Dalmia can talk to her mother about everything — friends, boyfriend, sex, career. “She has always taken an interest in my life. My mother has questioned me, comforted me, advised me and scolded me. But the relationship works the same way in reverse as well. I too am my mother’s confidant,” adds Dalmia.

What kind of relationship does fashion designer Mandira Wirk share with her mother? “Diwali is basically a family affair and it’s best to celebrate with your loved ones. My mother cooks special meals, especially my favourite dishes during this season. She is my pillar of strength and is more of a friend to me. But it’s natural to have issues and arguments. When I was in college, they used to be about me going out and being home on time. Now it’s about my work. My mom feels I work too hard,” she says.

Their relationship has grown to a different level after Wirk’s wedding. “We share a stronger bond. My mom often complains that I don’t visit her and spend enough time with her due to my busy work schedule. I try and make up for it by going for holiday trips with her,” adds Wirk.

Dr Harish Shetty, psychiatrist, Dr L H Hiranandani Hospital, Mumbai, says, “When the girl is 12, her mother is her best friend. As the girl grows, she becomes a friend as the girl enlarges her basket of friends. Here it depends on how the mother reconciles to the situation. A home that is emotional survives the shift.”

Dr Jitendra Nagpal, psychiatrist, Moolchand Medicity, New Delhi, adds “A mother helps a daughter in evolving awareness, respect and empowerment as she grows into womanhood with clarity and better understanding of issues related to her life.”

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