The First Time (Mainly for the boys out there)

Every couple arrives at that awkward, yet inevitable juncture in their marriage. There is no comfortable way of tackling the subject as every approach has its drawbacks. Talking about it can put your partner off and make her slide to the other end of the bed. The other option is to be like Nike and ‘Just do it!’. Then again, the sudden shock to her senses could drive your partner out of the room! So the question remains, how do you break wind in front of your wife for the first time?

I feel that the gradual approach works best. Before marriage, when you reach a suitable comfort level, joke about farting after marriage. Odds are, unless she’s some sort of freak, she’ll be disgusted and will dismiss the comment. However, you’ve already sowed the gaseous seed and now you just have to nurture it by watering it once in a while. Joke about farting with your friends in front of her and as she squirms, reiterate that it’s just a natural part of life.

After marriage, don’t let ‘em rip too soon. Allow her to adjust in to her new home and a after a couple of weeks in, sneak out a quite one and see if she notices. Increase the intensity as time passes and gauge her response. When she does notice and believe me, she will notice, flip the script by using the Jedi Mind Trick and blame it on her! Eventually her accusations will turn in to defensive statements. Joke about how she let it rip to lighten the mindset but stop before she gets irritated. Whenever you find yourself ‘dropping bombs over Bhagdad’, accuse her right off the bat before she points a finger at you. A couple of weeks later, admit to dropping the stinker ‘that first night’ and by then, she’s accustomed to Eau Du Husband.

Bottom line (no pun intended), it’s not like she doesn’t 😛

Marriage Tip 7

Introduce your wife to the inner you gradually!

Welcome to my aromatic married life!

About the author:

Born in Africa, Chandru grew up between Nigeria, India and the UK. With a Masters in International Business from the University of Westminster, he moved to New York where he worked as a Business Development Manager for three years. In 2002, he returned to Nigeria where he currently resides and runs a trading company. Chandru has been writing for Beyond Sindh (www.beyondsindh.com) since 2004 and has published numerous articles in the quarterly publication. His story entitled ‘The Love Letter’ won the Mirage Book short story contest and was published in an anthology titled Inner Voices in January 2009. His short story ‘Zero’ is scheduled to be published in the anthology Indian Voices towards the end of 2010.
 
In December 2009, Chandru’s first novel, ‘The Journey of Om’ was published in India by Cedar Books.
 
For more information on Chandru visit www.chandrubhojwani.com

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