Marital Abuse

Believe it or not, at some point in a marriage marital abuse manages to sneak in. It’s an unfortunate but inevitable part of life and one we must face. 

My tragic encounter with abuse occurred when me and my pocket sized wife were watching a horror movie. ‘The Descent,’ is about a group of explorers who are lost in an cavern and find themselves battling a breed of half man, half beast creatures. Usually Mrs. Bhojwani is weary of watching scary movies, however on this instance, she was gripped as the beasts picked off the explorers one by one in the murky depths beneath the earths crust.

At the end of it all, she turned to me and asked me to get the sequel and being a good husband, I set about getting it. Returning to the room, I found my wife napping with her head between two pillows. I crawled on to the bed and lay beside her and asked her if she was in a cave. In between the crack of the pillow and the shade, she smiled as I playfully teased her about the movie. I then whipped off the top pillow and hissed the noise of the cave creature, at which point, my diminutive wife, sat up and gave me a giant slap across my right ear. 

Falling over on to the bed, holding on to my throbbing ear, numb to the sounds of the world, I was now a victim of marital abuse. As my wife bitch slapped me like a pimp named slick-back, I became another statistic! 

After my wife went all Ike Turner on my ass, I picked myself up and with all the grace I could muster and made my way out of the room with whatever dignity I had left! That and if I stayed, she may have beat me like the LAPD beat Rodney King! Can’t we just get along???

Marriage Tip 4

Prepare yourself for a beat down!

Welcome to my Deafening Married life!