He also offered to be the host's gay fantasy, if he, the red faced host, wished.
What a kickass kick-off for Karan's Koffee confab.
Salman….well, he is Salman! In other words, irreverent, unpredictable, wickedly self-deprecating, devastatingly frank, furiously funny….all that came through in the hour-long chat with Karan.
The superstar spoke about his arid love life, his suspended marriage plans and how intrusive fans can be when they take pictures of stars without asking. This, apropos Katrina and Ranbir's sneaked snaps from Spain.
"But didn't Ranbir click those pictures?" Salman asked Karan who turned distinctly ashen. Before Karan collapsed on the floor, Salman guffawed, "That was a joke."
The problem is, with Salman no one knows when he is serious or flippant, not even Salman himself. There were two halves to the chat show. In the first-half Salman cracked a series of jokes with a serious face. The classic was the "confession" that he is a virgin.
Yes, Salman actually said that.
"I am going to save myself for the one I marry…and then the suhaag raat," Salman told Karan with a straight face. Earlier Salman had confessed that he lies a lot these days. He also confessed that he loved sleeping alone. And to show how much fun that was, Salman lay down on the couch and wriggled and writhed in mock-ecstasy. For a moment there was a boys-bonding between the host and his star when Karan confessed he too slept alone clutching a pillow. "Now I feel sorry for you," said Salman to Karan.
At times Salman came across as hurt and wounded. And of course Salman did get asked about Shah Rukh Khan. This is where the hurt came in. When asked about their feud, Salman objected to Shah Rukh going public with their fight when they could've sorted it out.
Speaking of his first meeting with Ranbir Kapoor in a pub, Salman remembered he, Ranbir, was with a girl. "I wonder why Ranbir broke up with that girl," Salman wondered with a straight face. Ranbir's former girlfriend is today Mrs. Imran Khan.
Remarkably, Salman's body language, conversational demeanor and temperamental aura changed completely the minute his father, the illustrious and intimidating Salim Khan, walked in.
This was a Salman we seldom see. The opposite of cocky and arrogant. The sober straight-faced boring Salman. The one that Salman confessed he doesn't like.
Very frankly, neither do we.