This article was last updated on June 18, 2022
Listening to raunchy conversation is everyone’s secret closet fantasy. But why is that couples refrain from taking recourse to candid conversations in real time. Having an intimate conversation is definitely a great way to liven things up in the bedroom. Plenty of unspoken desires can be articulated using sensual and sexual phrasing. Dirty talks are like a secret code that you share only with your partner, a secret that only the two of you know and enjoy.
“Baby, talk dirty to me,” I whispered to my boyfriend. We were a few months into our relationship. We’d just seen a film with some decidedly raunchy scenes. I was in a “what-the-heck-let’s-spice-things-up” kind of mood, delivering the line in what I considered a sexy, deep, guttural voice. Little did I realise that just saying this to my man would pep up the action between the sheets. Nowadays, not only does he talk kinky with me, he even voices his most sensuous desires and just hearing him all turned on leads to a sexual high,” confesses a 25-year-old jewellery designer Deeksha Mehra.
There are times when both sexes struggle with talking dirty; particularly the fairer sex owing to the fear of being judged. “The first time I talked dirty, the guy I was with lost all his excitement. It made me think twice about being so vocal about my desires,” says Monika Das, who is now married to the same man.
Some couples seem to enjoy sex talk as part of their foreplay, often indulging in phone sex to vent what’s going on in their minds. HR executive Raj Kaushal adds “My wife and me are pretty outspoken about our feelings and this helps us to enjoy wild sessions. I feel this bonds us even more strongly. Even when one of us has hectic day I think pep up line like “I’d like to kiss and nibble your neck” works wonders to add to the sexual chemistry”.
But there are certain rules when you choose to talk dirty. “Talking dirty doesn’t mean nasty. Done in a proper, well crafted, artfully worded fantasy way it works wonders. Let out your wicked and playful side, but be considerate of the tolerance levels of your partner and do not force them to speak dirty if they have reservations,” says psychiatrist Dr. Samir Parikh. It’s a general notion that woman find it difficult to speak aloud about their feelings, but Dr Parikh says that men too sometimes find it difficult to speak “dirty” or hear kinky words from their partners.
A survey “The UK Sex Report, 2008”, discovered that 48 per cent of those surveyed confessed to enjoying phone sex. 50 per cent of women and 44 per cent of men admitted here that they loved talking dirty. “At times, when your partner asks you to talk dirty and you want to, but are constrained by your inner reservations, don’t panic. You can get better with time, it’s just that you have to begin somewhere. Try whispering your desires breathlessly in your beau’s ear,” confirms psychologist Nimissha Seth.
Sex talk is not just to be employed during sex, try catching your mate off guard, and whisper sweet nothings. Keeping these rules in mind add to your mood:
Be authentic in your talk : Don’t expect what you see in films in your bedroom. You might be nursing preconceived notions about dirty talks. “Dirty talking is completely what you make off it, and to do it well, learn to be yourself. You have to assume a definitive role in your dirty talk,” confirms Dr Parikh.
Use the right tone : Learn to be innovative. “Your dirty talk can be either high pitched squeals or precise whispers. Let it express a diverse aspect of your personality that you may have kept undisclosed from your partner for fear of scandalising them or being judged,” says Nimissha. She further adds, “An element of surprise often adds an extra sense of anticipation, when your partner doesn’t know what lies next and such talks have the capability to keep the action going to higher levels”.
Make some basic rules : “One of the reasons why we hesitate to initiate talking dirty is the deep seated fear of sounding too liberal, or being put down or rejected. It’s important to set some rules like no laughing at one another, and being non-judgmental. It makes a lot of difference and helps to boost the partner’s confidence,” adds Dr. Parikh.
Start slow at first : Don’t rush to elaborate verbal gymnastics. A great way to start is by talk aloud about what you are experiencing while making love.
“Sentences like, “I love the way your hand feels on me” describe your innermost stimulations and this may act as a sensory navigational tool for your mate. Also experiment by telling your partner something you’re going to do or something you want them to do,” adds psychologist Megha Kapoor.
Experiment with your voice : Try to modulate your voice when you get close to each other. “Some things call for a staccato tone, while some things are best said slowly. Try whispering, try screaming, try everything possible to vent out your mood. Also play with the tenor of your voice,” says Nimissha. Use a low, sexy voice and brush your lips across your partner’s body. This will work wonders. Make dirty talking a two way conversation. Once you’ve taken the risk and initiated a dirty conversation, expect your partner to do the same. But always keep in mind the comfort level of your partner. Give them time.