Married or single, have you ever wondered how your mother came about to watch those horrific Indian soaps that constitute as entertainment? How could a woman, who raised a family and instilled the core values that guide you in life today, be drawn to such mind numbing drivel? Long before becoming Mrs. Chandru Bhojwani, my snow white wife found herself asking the same question of her mother. Sitting with my mum, the same mystical question crossed my mind again. Only this time, I found that ever eluding answer!
As my wife and I sat in the living room with my parents after dinner, my attention was focused on my laptop. My fingers danced on the keys, while my parents would be hypnotized by a script that Ekta Kapoor undoubtedly scribbled on triple-ply toilet paper, while sitting on the toilet. Like most children, I had accepted my fate and no longer had the gumption to fight my parents on their viewing habits. Instead, I felt bad for my wife who was being subjected to the torture. The fact that she knew as much Hindi as a Salamander only made me feel worse.
Thirty Five days into our marriage, we had finished our dinner and sat with the parents as they surrendered themselves to the ludicrous, Laadli. Unable to tolerate the pathetic excuse for a plot, I stood up and asked my wife in jest if she rather stay in the living room and watch the soap or join in me in the bedroom to watch the nail biting show, Flash Forward! Biting her bottom lip, she hugged her knees and pointed at Zee TV.
Like the Borg, Zee TV had assimilated my wife and how! She didn’t even understand Hindi!!! (No, there are no subtitles either!)
As the Borg often remind us, resistance was futile. For fear of my mind, I escaped from the living room before Zee TV sunk its infections paws in to me and began to construct this blog entry. I don’t know if I’ll be so lucky next time especially since I suspect my wife will switch on Zee TV while I sleep and succeed in brain washing me *Crescendo* (At this point the camera would focus on me repeatedly as ominous music plays and my voice is heard narrating my thoughts in the background).
The reality is that every married girl must go through a right of passage. A torch must be passed down from wife to wife, the Torch of the Zee, The Zee TV to be precise. The Zee knows when the fruit is ripe for the picking and like Freddy Krueger, it comes for her when you and she, least expect it. There is no avoiding it, for it is the Zee, that makes a woman, a wife.
Marriage Tip 10;
Zee TV, is a right of passage and resistance is futile!
Welcome to my married life, Life, LIFE, LIFE!
About the author:
Born in Africa, Chandru grew up between Nigeria, India and the UK. With a Masters in International Business from the University of Westminster, he moved to New York where he worked as a Business Development Manager for three years. In 2002, he returned to Nigeria where he currently resides and runs a trading company. Chandru has been writing for Beyond Sindh (www.beyondsindh.com) since 2004 and has published numerous articles in the quarterly publication. His story entitled ‘The Love Letter’ won the Mirage Book short story contest and was published in an anthology titled Inner Voices in January 2009. His short story ‘Zero’ is scheduled to be published in the anthology Indian Voices towards the end of 2010.
In December 2009, Chandru’s first novel, ‘The Journey of Om’ was published in India by Cedar Books.
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