Shocker: Gwyneth’s Gift Guide Is Bananas

Technically, it’s still November, but we can already feel our annual holiday-shopping panic attack coming on. If you’re like us, you’ll likely be one of the hundreds standing in line at Barnes & Noble at 11:52pm on December 24, hoping your mom hasn’t seen the second season of Downton Abbey yet. If you’re like Gwyneth Paltrow… 

Well, you’re not like Gwyneth Paltrow.

Never one to miss an opportunity to help us incur credit-card debt get a look at the luxer side of life, GP has curated her own holiday wish list, and it’s just as GOOP-y as you’d expect. 

Ahead, we’ve rounded up our favorite picks from the list. Some items we love. An herb garden starter kit? Awesome — if slightly overpriced at $250 for what amounts to some dirt in a box. But naturally, many items fall into the realm of things-you-will-never-ever-own. Unless you’re friends with Gwyn, in which case, enjoy your 24 KT Gold iPhone Passive Horn Amplifier. Whatever that is.

1

Aforementioned $250 box ‘o dirt from Scout Regalia. But we bet it’s really good dirt. Also, we really do want a mini garden for our fire escape.

Price: $250

Scout Regalia Patio Garden, $250, available at Scout Regalia

2

GP suggests this sweet monogrammed handbag for your bestie. If she’s your best bestie, you can upgrade to larger one for another $2K.

Price: $3,800

Delvaux Brilliant MM Bag, $3,800, available at Barneys

3

Music just sounds better when it’s coming out of a golden horn, no?

Price: £649

Techinvasion 24 KT Gold iPhone Passive Horn Amplifier, £649, available at GiftLab

4

Not sure what to get that uncle you only see once a year? Perhaps he’d like his own “scent identity.” Sounds cool, but looks kind of hard to wrap….

Price: Ask Lady Gaga — they designed her perfume too. You have her number, right?

12.29 Olfactive Branding, Prices vary, available at 12.29

5

Babies are cute, but babies in faux fur are better.

Price: $46

baby & child Luxe Faux Fur Animal Hood, $46, available atbaby & child

6

Here’s something for the guy who has everything. Because he doesn’t have his very own SoulCycle bike.

Price: Well, it’s more than a SoulCycle membership, that’s for sure. 

SoulCycle Spinning Bike, Price upon request, available at SoulCycle

7

We love our friends and we love their kids, but we don’t know if we love our friends’ kids enough to spell out their names in diamonds.

Price upon request. So, it’s probably like $20, right?

Jennifer Creel Custom Necklace, Price upon request, available at Jennifer Creel

8

OMG, we love the swing! Can we have a backyard, too?!

Price: $180 (yard, oak tree, and scenic lake sold separately)

Kaufmann Mercantile Handmade Cedar Wood Rope Swing, $180, available at Kaufmann Mercantile

Photo: Courtesy of goop.com

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