This article was last updated on April 16, 2022
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PARIS, FRANCE – FEBRUARY 26: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY) Gwyneth Paltrow attends the Harper’s Bazaar Exhibition as part of the Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Fall/Winter 2020/2021 At Musee Des Arts Decoratifs on February 26, 2020 in Paris, France. (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)
By now, we know that Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina smells like geranium. And that her orgasm exudes the perfume of a Turkish rose. We have this information because the Goop founder has sold candles in their likeness — for $75 a pop.
Recently, the Politician star teased that she might be bringing us a new anatomically inspired scent.
While you may have had your money on an aureole candle being the next to come to market, Goop’s latest pillar of wax may actually smell like… taint.
The revelation came up in a video Paltrow posted to Instagram a couple of days ago, of a FaceTime call with her Iron Man co-star Robert Downey Jr. The post was ostensibly to remind people to register to vote, but something else grabbed the nation’s attention. Toward the end of the call, Downey joked: “What else important are you doing today? You selling vagina candles? What are you up to?”
She responded: “Always. I made a new candle, it’s just for you. It smells like my taint.”
In case you don’t know, the taint is the area between the genitals and the anus. It’s also known as the perineum, or the “chad,” according to Urban Dictionary.
Now, a spokesperson for the Goop team confirmed to Refinery29 what I already suspected: that a taint candle is not in the works IRL, and that GP was just kidding. But that didn’t stop my coworkers and me from trying to imagine what, exactly, a Goop “This Smells Like My Taint” candle would… smell like.
My guess was sandalwood. Another staffer proposed more general “woodsy” aroma. Then someone from the beauty team stepped in with an authoritative pitch: “Def musk and oud.”
I would buy. Honestly, I bet you would too. The woman made a vagina-scented candle (“This Smells Like My Vagina“) that sold out in mere hours. Who can resist?
Unfortunately for the businesswoman, she’s behind the curve on this one. A taint-scented candle already exists, via the Etsy shop CrassAndCrudeGifts. The label for the “Sandy Taint” soy candle reads: “Pop your sex on the beach cherry with the essence of guava and pineapple. Watch out. That sand gets everywhere. EVERYWHERE.” Evocative!
While it’s not the scent I was imagining, I may still add it to my home candle collection. After all, unlike whatever GP is or is not cooking up, the “Sandy Taint” costs a mere $20. It’s supposed to make a great gift, too, according to at least one review: “Awesome! In-laws will love it!”
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