The early days of a new relationship are exciting indeed. You find someone who makes you feel special and who is fun to be around. Over time, though, as the two of you become more familiar with each other it’s easy to fall into the same old routine. When this happens you may start to feel as if you are being taken for granted. How do you know if this is the case?
THE WARNING SIGNS
The sense of being taken for granted usually doesn’t just appear overnight. It kind of creeps up on you, a little at a time, until eventually you start to notice that something about the relationship is different. Here are some of the telltale signs that he may be taking you for granted:
Your lover assumes you’ll always be there: This one can be subtle. Do they tend to ignore you when they’re around with friends? When you go out, do they seem to not care about dressing neatly? Do they turn to you when they need something but push you away when you need something? Are they not as affectionate as they used to be?
They forget to tell you things: Everybody forgets things now and then, but if it’s a pattern you’re your lover, there may be more to it. Do they accept invitations for the two of you to attend parties and special occasions without telling you? Do they say they’ll go somewhere with you and at the last minute remember they have another commitment? Do they forget to let you know they’ll be late?
They don’t care what you do : If you break a date for some reason, do they just shrug it off without trying to re-schedule? Do they say nothing when you appear for the first time with a new haircut or a new outfit? Do you ever get the feeling that you could walk out of their lives and they wouldn’t realise till next week that you’re gone?
WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT
If you feel like your partner is taking you for granted, don’t panic and don’t jump to conclusions . Think about specific examples of times when you’ve felt that way and write down a short description of what happened and how you felt.
Ask for some undivided attention and tell your lover honestly how you feel, but don’t sound accusing or blaming. If they deny that they are taking you for granted, give them the benefit of doubt. Maybe they just don’t realise they’re doing it, or maybe they don’t realise the impact their actions have on you. Share your examples with them so that they get a better idea of exactly what you mean.
Ideally your lover will apologise and make an effort to be more appreciative of you. If they don’t, though, there might be something deeper going on with the relationship and you need to work with them to find out what it is.
IF IT’S YOUR PARTNER WHO FEELS NEGLECTED
Even small gestures of affection can help when your lover feels neglected. Here are some suggestions : Spend some alone-time with them every week Take a vacation together Greet them with a hug each time you see them Make sure you pay 100 per cent attention to them when they address you Make an effort to dress well when you go out When going out with friends, make sure you include them in conversations Surprise them with gifts every now and then Make time for sex Inform them if you will be late for your appointment with them Tell them you love them.