It probably doesn’t come as a surprise that sexting can be great for your relationship. Whether you’ve been in a relationship for a while or you’re just starting something new, sending flirty, dirty messages is a great way to spice things up and keep them fresh — especially if you and your partner are long-distance.
If you’re not sure how to start (or continue) a sexting session, though, it can be difficult to overcome the initial awkwardness. That’s why we turned to sex therapists Dr. Liz Powell, Vanessa Marin, and Mal Harrison for tips on how to bite the bullet and get started.
“People might think, ‘I don’t know what to say’ or ‘I’m not creative,’ but you don’t have to dive in with all these kinky, dirty things,” Marin tells Refinery29. It's true that sexting can make people uneasy, but it doesn’t have to be daunting: It can be playful and silly. “Find a specific language you feel comfortable with,” Marin says. "If you’re not comfortable with being too explicit from the get-go, that’s okay — just start slow. I think the best way to get started is just by looking at examples.”
If you're still out of ideas, try drawing from the past: "I can't stop thinking about that time we…" and then describe your favorite part of your last sexual encounter in detail. Or keep it simple and tell your partner how much you love a specific part of their body — everyone likes a compliment.
Here, Marin shares her favorite sexts to get you going. Click through to view them; then, send your favorite to a very lucky recipient indeed.
"I miss your lips on my neck."
Why it works: This vivid example will give them a visual. It's also a great way to ease into dirty talk.
"What's your fantasy?"
Why it works: This seemingly simple question is actually an invitation to let your partner's imagination run wild.
"I'm arching my back just thinking about seeing you tonight."
Why it works: Naming a specific body part (in this case, your back) provides a level of detail that will definitely capture your partner's attention. (More so than a generic, "I'm so excited to see you tonight.")
"Your ___ feels incredible."
Why it works: A specific compliment is always better than a generic one — and your partner will love knowing that they're good with their hands (or tongue or lips or elbows or…).
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