A couple of days ago, a young man created an ugly scene outside tennis ace Sania Mirza’s home in Hyderabad after sending her a series of obsessive text messages.
Many of us at some point or the other have had to deal with the attentions of obsessive lovers or over-possessive, needy friends. Experience tells us that this trait, if not nipped at the bud can become dark and murky.
WHAT LEADS TO OBSESSION?
Love is defined as a strong bond between two people. And when that is threatened (imaginatively or really), the person becomes possessive, obsessive and paranoid to save their bond. This could just as well happen between friends, parent and child, as with lovers. Erotomania is the term used to describe the obsession for celebrities, where a fan is simply delusional, and has fallen in love with the celeb, and that without any reciprocation, their life is meaningless. This leads to attention seeking by text messaging or creating a scene in their presence. Even rejection doesn’t work, as they console themselves with the thought, ‘she doesn’t know how much I love her, when she realises, she will love me too.’
THE OBSESSIVE LOVER
People with low self image and confidence generally become obsessive in their relationships. Early childhood experiences also play a big role in determining how one behaves in his relationships later. Over critical parents who constantly keep rejecting their child, scar them for life. As adults, when they get into their first relationship, they find acceptance, but eventually become possessive, if that bond is threatened in anyway.
A series of failed relationships can also lead to an obsessive personality. They grow out to be insecure individuals who fear being ditched repeatedly.
There are some obsessive lovers who turn out to be sadistic. They can even go to the extent of harming the person. Such people usually suffer from psychopathic or anti-social tendencies.
YOU ARE AN OBSESSIVE LOVER IF…
You cannot forget the existence of that person in your life
You alter your schedule constantly to check where they are hanging out
You constantly need to check your lover’s phone history, email and text messages
You follow them everywhere and question them time and again about their whereabouts or who they are talking to.
You start fretting if your lover’s phone is engaged for sometime
If you realise that you are unable to control your impulses, seek professional help immediately
Try to disconnect yourself with the person completely by cutting all links
Gather support from your family and friends. Ask them to help you stay away from the person you are obsessed with
Tell yourself that eventually you will get someone better.
DEAL WITH A STALKER
Call the police as early as possible
If the stalker is an ex, who threatens to show the world your personal pictures, letters, cards, do not feel scared. Chances are that they may be just empty threats.