Secret love

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This article was last updated on April 16, 2022

Secret loveDoes the idea of having a secret lover cause a rush of adrenaline in your system? Here are things you need to keep in mind if you’re heading for a clandestine relationship.

Secret relationships can seem fun and exciting in the beginning. More than just the joy of being with someone, it is the thrill of keeping something hidden from your close ones.

There are many reasons why you may choose to keep a relationship under wraps. It could be that your lover is not good-looking or of a different religion or it could be a workplace romance. Whatever the case, the fact is you have chosen to be with him/her. Such relationships generally start as a physical attachment but they can sometimes turn into something more.

Most people feel more open and relaxed in a secret relationship as they don’t have to worry about external influences. However, maintaining a secret life can be hard work. You have to avoid getting caught together, for if you do, the magic of the relationship could disappear. The other possibility is that the longer you spend with your partner, the more likely you are to fall for him/her.

However, if you do feel that a clandestine relationship is what you want, here are a few things you need to bear in mind:

You can’t share your thoughts
Those involved with secret lovers realise that while their friends can explicitly discuss their romantic life, they themselves cannot do the same. In such a situation you have to be careful about what you say and to whom. Very often you may also be forced to lie about your activities to family members so that they do not discover your secret. Being in such a bond could cause you additional frustration and stress.

Love barriers
Research shows that those in secret romantic bonds have lower levels of relationship satisfaction. While they can be enjoyable in the beginning, such relationships can become problematic later. You cannot tell anyone about your secret lover and have to be careful not to be seen together in public places. In such situations, you or your lover may get annoyed as neither of you can get possessive of each other.

Long term possibility
Most of us get carried away in the rush of the moment but sometimes we have to consider the long term effects of being in such a relationship. If you really like your partner, you have to accept that it may turn into something serious. Therefore, you have to be prepared to break the news to your family and friends. Try and be ready to make a decision as to whether he/she is someone you want to spend more time with or if it is just a passing phase. You will not be able to consult your friends about the decision so it’s really up to you to make the choice.

Be realistic
There are a large number of people who prefer to keep their love affairs under wraps. For many it is about escaping from society and questions from peers and family. However, having a secret lover is not as easy and as perfect as a ‘Romeo and Juliet’ love story. You need to be practical about such relationships as you can end up hurting someone’s feelings. Talk to your partner from time to time about your relationship and make sure that your lover is clear about where you both stand and to avoid any disparity.

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