2017 Is Officially The Year Of Bizarre Beauty Treatments

When the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Eve, we happily kissed goodbye 100 layer challenges, neck contouring, and penis eyeliner (but not pimple-popping videos — those are never going away). Out with the old means in with the new.

But the new, it turns out, is just as bizarre. Ahead, see the surprising, weird, and potentially ill-advised beauty treatments and trends you’ll be hearing about in 2017. It’s going to be an interesting year…


Underboob Is The New Cleavage

Breast augmentation isn’t going anywhere — it was the most popular plastic surgery procedur e last year. But all the doctors we asked agreed that gone are the days of oversized, round implants that sit high on the chest — now, women are looking for smaller, more natural-looking breasts.

New York City plastic surgeon Daniel Maman, MD, says the “underboob job,” if you will, is requested by most of his patients, especially the younger generation. He does a dual-plane placement that creates “a natural sling look, so that patients… are able to wear shirts and dresses to show off the underboob without having to wear a bra.”

Design: Mallory Heyer.


You’re Not Imagining It, Nipples Are Shrinking

With requests for smaller breasts on the rise, so, too, comes the demand for smaller nipples and areolas. “We have seen a 30% rise in women requesting a smaller nipple size in the last year,” says London-based plastic surgeon Dan Marsh in a press release for The Plastic Surgery Group.

Plastic surgeon Mo Akhavani credits the trend to the popularity of the “free the nipple” movement on social media. Celebrities like Miley Cyrus, Cara Delevingne, and Kendall Jenner are going topless and flaunting piercings, bringing the once-taboo nipple into the spotlight. We say, you do you, but your nipples are probably just fine as they are.

Design: Mallory Heyer.


Lip Plumping Is Heating Up

The quest for fuller lips isn’t showing signs of slowing — and the means to getting them are getting weirder and more painful by the month.

The latest fad? Irritating the shit out of your mouth by covering it in wasabi paste, black pepper oil, and cayenne. Surprisingly, it’s fairly safe when done in moderation, according to dermatologist Joshua Zeichner, MD. “Using a little on the lip will definitely result in temporary swelling and plumping. Just be careful not to overdo it. Irritants aren’t always well-tolerated,” he says.

In other words: Stay away if you have sensitive skin or, uh, just don’t enjoy the sensation of burning.

Design: Mallory Heyer.


Beauty Sleep Becomes Serious Business

Most derms agree that of all the skin concerns to focus on, sleep wrinkles — lines that supposedly form over years of sleeping on your side or stomach — are low on the list.

Still, people buy silk and copper-infused pillowcases and slather on anti-aging overnight masks hoping to stave them off. But the die-hard take things further. Kim Kardashian has trained herself to sleep on her back (so she can extend a great smoky eye a day longer, obviously), but if you don’t have the same self-control when you’re in REM, there’s a workaround: jewelry.

Yep, going to bed in statement necklaces and bulky earrings is a thing, according to the internet — the idea behind it being that it’s pretty damn hard to sleep comfortably on your side if you’ve got a sharp jewel digging into your neck. We think we’ll live with the wrinkle, thanks.

Design: Mallory Heyer.


There’s A Sheet For Every Spot

Sheet masks for the face are ubiquitous, and ones for the hands, feet, and décolletage are launching left and right, but it seems we won’t be fully satisfied until there’s a onesie body mask.

Brands are working hard to fulfill that wish — and we predict 2017 will be the year of the butt and boob sheet masks. Online Asian beauty sites are selling out of breast masks, which come with holes for your nipples, and one of our favorite fancy UK brands, Nannette de Gaspé, is set to launch dry masks infused with plumping ingredients

designed to lift both body parts in late February.

Design: Mallory Heyer.


People Are Trying One-Night-Only Noses

Contouring? So 2016. The new way the kids are slimming and shortening their noses is almost as invasive as surgery — and could land you in a doctor’s office anyway, considering you’re shoving foreign objects up your nose.

The so-called “instant nose lifters” are little PVC pipes you push up each nostril with a hook tool and, according to one vlogger, they can be found in just about every beauty shop in the Philippines. We hope we don’t need to say this, but just in case: Please, for the love of God, do not do this. (Or the Kylie lip challenge!)

Design: Mallory Heyer.


Tape Is On The Record

No, there’s nothing new about fashion and facial tape. What is new is how open celebrities like the Kardashians, Kristen Bell, and Lady Gaga are being real about the fact that they’re keeping their breasts in place on the red carpet and temporarily tightening their faces on stage with the sticky stuff.

And this year, we expect to see even more products geared toward lifting and smoothing out every area that gravity touches. After all, we’re only a few weeks into January and we’ve already gotten the gift of Nexsey.

Design: Mallory Heyer.


Even More Reasons For Botox

Botox does a lot more than just soften facial lines. The injections are used for migraines, sweat, and now, apparently, symptoms of depression.

In a study published by the Journal of Psychiatric Research, researchers found that the muscles that control facial expressions play a key role in transmitting information to the brain’s emotional circuit. What does that mean? If you can’t frown, you might not feel as down.

“Botox addresses the facial expressions associated with depression (frowning). The concept is that if you eliminate the ability to frown, you can eliminate depression,” says NYC-based plastic surgeon Z. Paul Lorenc, MD. “Our trigeminal nerve is a nerve responsible for sensations in the face… Botox blocks this sensing mechanism which, in turn, can decrease depressed moods.”

While there is no single cure for depression and there’s obviously more research to be done, it very well could be a viable option for some.

Design: Mallory Heyer.


Serums Launch With, Um, Interesting Ingredients

Why would human foreskin have any place in your serum? It all comes down to growth factors.

Growth factors are naturally-occurring protein molecules in the body that stimulate cells and speed up wound healing, but they slowly deplete as we age. When they do, collagen production drops and our skin has a harder time repairing damage.

But, the science shows, topically applying growth factors — which can be human-derived from fat, umbilical cords, or foreskin, or made from stem cells — actually works to trigger the skin’s repairing processes, since they can latch onto healthy skin cells and spawn from there.

SkinMedica’s TNS Serum is one of the more well-known growth factor products, but more and more skin-care brands are releasing launches with the potent ingredients this year. Joanna Vargas’ new Twilight Face Mask delivers epidermal growth factor, and Zo Skin Health’s Ossential Growth Factor Serum Plus employs buddleja stem cells.

Of course, fast, non-invasive solutions don’t come cheap — if you’re paying less than three figures for a serum or cream, you’re likely not getting a very effective treatment. And, it’s not without controversy. In addition to the sourcing methods, it’s been debated whether or not growth factors can lead to cancer by attaching themselves to unhealthy cells and multiplying, but there is no data yet that conclusively links the two.

Design: Mallory Heyer.

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