Things not to reveal on the first date

Presenting yourself as an open book may not be a great idea, especially if you’re meeting someone for the first time. Is it advisable to let the other person peep into your personal life so much so that everything becomes known instantly? Is it correct or mandatory to share each and every aspect of your life on the first date itself?

Dr. Shivani Gupte, a clinical psychologist feels, “A first date typically is meant to know the person to some extent and leave scope that you would meet again. But that doesn’t mean you do not try and and get to know each other fully during at first meet. There are certain things which are better if not shared on a first date. Especially, details about your family life, financial status, your extreme likings and disliking etc. The areas that should be talked on a first date are casual topics like hobbies, educational qualifications, and personal preferences etc.”

Dr. Amita Mishra, a relationship expert adds, “Not revealing certain things doesn’t necessarily mean that you are lying in that relationship or building it up on false grounds. It’s sensible to discuss the extreme things and secrets about your life only when you are sure of a lasting relationship, otherwise there’s no point letting a stranger know you in and out.”

If you are preparing for your first date, make sure you have these points in mind, so you don’t end up sharing just about everything about you…

History of past affairs : Recalling your past relationships will neither pep up your present nor it will bring any joy to your future, so why touch upon bygones? On the first date, it can be the worst topic of discussion which will not only portray you as a poor victim in love, but will also cast a negative impact on the other person.

Financial status : Whether you are a spendthrift or a miser may not be that important, but opening up your bank balance details and flaunting yourself as an flashy credit card holder isn’t a good idea on a first meeting. The reaction can come either ways – The other person might perceive you as an absolute boaster who is handicapped without a heavy wallet. On the other hand, he/she might get lured to you just for your cash and not your personality which is what should ideally be noticed on a first date. So, let the money matters intervene at a later stage when it’s not about your or my money, but the joy of togetherness.

Personal behavioural traits : It’s good to know the person you’re meeting for the first time, but discussing extreme personal traits like your routine habits, sheer likings and disliking etc could backfire. Sharing such things at length may give the other person a feeling that you’re not their type and the chances of a future relation can just come to an end even before it begins. Open up slowly and share only what is required. Let the other person know about the ‘real’ you as you progress further and meet next.

Sex escapades : It might be a very exciting and fun topic to trigger off a conversation, but just think is your first date the right time to let that happen? Revealing details about your sexual encounters will not lead you anywhere other than passing on wrong signals to the other person about your sexual vulnerability. Sounding too experienced in bed will simply put them off. Discussing sex makes no point on the first date.

Job preferences : Merely informing your date about your present job is okay, but going beyond isn’t really required on a first date. Don’t show your hatred towards work or your workaholic traits so much so that the other person sees you as a real bore. Such serious issues not only make a wrong choice of discussions on a first date, but also revealing too much about your job preferences and workplace relations can let other person know about you more than what is actually needed.

Circle of friends : Let the first date be enjoyed in its true sense – just between the two of you, so no need to bring in your friends or any talks about them. Telling tales about your huge friend circle may highlight your jovial front, but if the other person is not too keen on that, it may be a turn off. Also, avoid letting your friends become the main agenda of conversation on a first date.

Family matters : Sharing your true identity, mobile number and a some more details should be enough for the first date. Do not divulge too much of your family history. Remember that the person is still a stranger to you, so do not open up about your family upbringing, childhood secrets, parents’ professional records, siblings’ details etc. Let the first date be used as a platform to move from an acquaintance to a friend, further sharing can happen later.