Men think of sex every 52 seconds.
Or wait, was it every seven seconds? Researchers haven’t reached a consensus on this yet, but popular notion deems that sex is always on a man’s mind. So what do you do when the same chap who secretly dreams of owning a harem becomes hostile to the idea of sex? It might be hard to accept, but your husband might be grappling with a low sex drive. Listed below are the most common reasons for his disinterest and ways of dealing with them.
He might be hankering over the next promotion or a client might be giving him sleepless nights. Many men unknowingly transfer the stress from their cubicles to their bedrooms. How can he be expected to initiate sex when all he can think of is the next day’s presentation? Sometimes, just the 24×7 running around would have exhausted him. When office stress goes above danger levels, priorities change and sleep invariably becomes more important than sex.
Deal with it: Many men take to smoke excessively to deal with office stress, and the repercussion is a dip in sex drive. While the nicotine abuse can be dealt with changes in lifestyle, ensure that he takes periodic holidays without his laptop. If he comes home stressed, indulge him with a hot shower and a relaxing massage. It needn’t necessarily lead to sex, but if he is relaxed, chances are, he will initiate it himself.
Drugs and disorders
He may be on medication for disorders such as hypertension or diabetes. Some of these drugs tend to lower libido levels as a side effect. Some drugs might even cause erectile dysfunction. If the man fails to ‘rise’ on one occasion, the anxiety he carries to the next session will make things tougher.
Deal with it: Regular health check-ups ensure that disorders are treated in their early stages. If your man is currently on medication, consult your doctor to find out if they are a possible cause of low sex drive. If they are, the doctor can suggest an alternative.
With sex education in its nascent stages in India, many men, influenced by the media have unrealistic expectations. He may dream of his wife being the next Mallika Sherawat when it comes to oomph, only to be put off by her passive attitude. This is seen more often in arranged marriages, when the woman takes time to open up to her husband. The sense of disillusionment impacts his sex drive negatively.
Deal with it: Premarital counseling can brush-off many myths. However, there’s no harm in undergoing counseling post marriage too. Talk to your man and make him realise that the best mantra to turn the heat on in bed is to connect with one another outside it. It is only when you communicate that you can tell each other your fantasies. When you connect with your man emotionally, the physical part will simply follow.
Depression is one the most vital reasons for low sex drive. A new study conducted by the University of Montreal confirms that bouts of depression in men not only are serious, but also go undetected for long periods of time. Some even try to ‘overpower’ their depression, attributing it to reasons such as work pressure, relationship issues, etc.
Deal with it: If you have been married for a while, then chances are, you’d notice the depression. However, there’s no single shot formula to ascertain it. He’s the one who needs to take the initiative. Don’t jump to conclusions though. Take him for a routine check-up and let the doctor take it from there.
Relationship issues often translate to a cold war in bed and are mistaken for the man’s low sex drive. It’s typical behaviour on a man’s part to stay aloof and disinterested in order to make the partner realise her mistake. The sexual politics, in absence of communication, is interpreted in different ways and only makes matters worse.
Deal with it: Develop a culture of being upfront, not just in matters of sex, but everything related to both of you. Encourage talking and discussing matters rather than playing the blame game. Gradually, your husband too will develop the same attitude. Over time there will be fewer skeletons in the closet and more action in the bedroom.