My Marriage, My Wife, My Life….The First Night

My Marriage, My Wife, My Life

It’s been three weeks, give or take, since the wedding ended. Although we were late to almost every event, I have to say that it was an overall success! Yes we had it all, great music, delicious food, beautiful venues and what every wedding is incomplete without, the drama! Men, single and not, tried their luck with the ladies while family members got plastered to the point that they chundered their insides out. Then there were the attempts to sabotage while others felt it apt to hurl abuse for the attention sake. Classy!

In spite of the hiccups, the fun train wouldn’t be derailed as the Congo Line chugged right down the middle of Shiro (had to be there). The next night, we went old school and busted out the moonwalk and the running man and reminisced as the DJ Spun the throwback tracks like Can’t Touch This (dedicated to the clown at the wedding, you don’t know who you are). Yes, we had it all….and we loved it!

The fun didn’t stop there since a few chums moved in to a hotel near by and decided to partake in some kinky amusement. Walking in to the hotel suite where Sonia and Sandy (aka – Randy) were residing, we were welcomed by the tall, bald Amit, who was sporting a silk, pink dressing gown. As casual as can be, he opened the door wide, smiled and allowed us to enter. From there spawned the idea of ‘The Boob Job’. Amit donned Sonia’s bra and attempted to seduce two unsuspecting victims, female victims to be specific. The two cameras that recorded the entire event capture two every extreme reactions. As expected, Avisha scurried around in horror trying to make sense of the situation while Manisha, unperturbed, continued to chat with Meet has he fondled with his sock filled, red D Cup bra. Later Manisha revealed that she was more taken back by the clashing of the pink gown and red bra…….hmmm.

Back to my marriage and to the first night. Relax, the content here is all PG-13…unless you get your hands on ‘The Boob Job’ starring Amit, Avisha and Manisha! (See Below). Our first night home as husband and wife brings me to my first marriage tip.

Marriage Tip 1

If you have any strange sleeping habits, be sure to share this with your partner before the first night to avoid any adverse reactions.

It was around 4am, the Air Conditioner was at a cool 18 degrees and I was fast asleep, hugging the pillow close to my chest, lost in a dream where I was running the floor at MSG. All of a sudden, I heard a bizarre sound, like a piglet chocking! I sat up in the darkness, confused and scared. I looked around for some horrific creature scurrying around the marble floor in dead of night. The haunting noise stopped.

I turned to my petite 5’1 wife who lay huddled between a couple of blankets and pillows. With her eyes shut, lost in never, never land, she looked at peace. Her tiny face, adorable.

Suddenly, her chin wobbled and there was the sound, the choking piglet, now more like Donald Duck being strangled! With her mouth shut, she created this blood curdling sound that froze me where I knelt. What should I do? Wake her? Call a doctor? Record it so I can laugh about it later? Before I could react, it was gone again and she was none the wiser. I was tempted to grab a blanket and sleep in the living room, scared that she may go all Natasha Henstridge in Species and feed on me but then again, it was her first night and as a good husband should, I stayed be by her side.

The next morning when I confronted her, she laughed and did the noise again. Like a toad, her chin expanded and she croaked repeatedly. I think no one told her that she’s supposed to kiss the frog to find a prince, not eat the bloody thing alive!

About the author:

Born in Africa, Chandru grew up between Nigeria, India and the UK. With a Masters in International Business from the University of Westminster, he moved to New York where he worked as a Business Development Manager for three years. In 2002, he returned to Nigeria where he currently resides and runs a trading company. Chandru has been writing for Beyond Sindh ( since 2004 and has published numerous articles in the quarterly publication. His story entitled ‘The Love Letter’ won the Mirage Book short story contest and was published in an anthology titled Inner Voices in January 2009. His short story ‘Zero’ is scheduled to be published in the anthology Indian Voices towards the end of 2010.
In December 2009, Chandru’s first novel, ‘The Journey of Om’ was published in India by Cedar Books.
For more information on Chandru visit

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