Two Things You Don’t Need To Know About Your Partner and 6 Things You DO

This article was last updated on April 16, 2022

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Illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Illustrated by Anna Sudit.

Disclosure: How many people you’ve slept with.
Somewhat necessary. But that doesn’t mean you need to speak in exact numbers. In this day and age, we need to be able to talk about sex in a frank manner. The result of this conversation (unless you’re both virgins) should be going to get tested, and keeping it above the belt until the results are back.

Disclosure: How many times you’ve been in love.
A little squirmy. I have been married almost eight years now, and I still get a little uneasy and bummed out when my husband talks about women he cared about before me. I wanted him to have experienced love, sure, but it just feels a little wonky. So, I get it if this is something you might not want to disclose. Maybe keep it to whether or not you think you’ve experienced a deep, selfless feeling of love.

Disclosure: How your sexual experiences felt to you.

Necessary. To me this is much more important than number of partners. What has your sex life been like? Healthy? Tentative? Fraught with anxiety? Uncomfortable? Messy? Steeped in guilt? Unsafe? Your relationship with sex is a relationship your new partner will have to take on as well, it’s a good thing to be honest with them.

Disclosure: Why past relationships have dissolved.
A little uncomfortable, but maybe necessary. I think it’s important to talk with a current partner about why past relationships went wrong, without blaming the other person. It helps you get a sense of how the person you are newly dating deals with upsetting things. Plus there's a bonus, as my pal always said: Listen to how they talk about their exes. That’s how they might be talking about you at some point.

Disclosure: People you have crushes on now.
Torturous. What on Earth do either of you get out of disclosing this? My husband and I can admit when we find other people attractive. But the next step of being attracted enough to another person that you consider it a crush is something that, unless you are concerned it may break up the relationship, isn’t necessary. It just adds jealousy to a relationship for a crush that will most likely go away.

Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
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