Reports of My Death Are Greatly Exaggerated

News reports are rarely accurate while rumours are gold

By Stephen Pate – When Mark Twain read a story about his demise he sent the following note to a reporter.

“James Ross Clemens, a cousin of mine, was seriously ill two or three weeks ago in London, but is well now. The report of my illness grew out of his illness; the report of my death was an exaggeration.”

The headline is the most popular paraphrase of Clement’s quip.

So I take pen in hand to tell you, dear reader, and the odd rapscallion parading as a dog-eared  reporter in the Press Gallery of the PEI Legislature or duplicitous Jagger that I am alive nay thrive albeit with the aid of drugs for which I make no apologies since we all need a little boost from mother’s little helpers from time to time.

I would not normally trouble you with my personal affairs if it were not for the prodigious blogger, muck racker and whistle blower at Red Like Me who caught me betwixt and between naps to extract wisps of facts behind my disappearance from the Supreme Court of PEI in the matter of Tibia, The Princess and The Equestrian v. The Reporter in the Wheelchair.  CBC PEI / Guardian Lawsuit Against Wheel Chair Advocate Delayed, CBC Expenses?

I am compelled to at the very least and hopefully the most acknowledge my short term hide out at the grey white health spa alongside the river that flows to the sea with our dreams while we paddle against the tide and stream inland to Mount Stewart, a village grossly misnamed since there is neither mountain nor even less of a molehill in the vicinity.

As some have deciphered I share the cultural propensity for eating too well for too long only to have age and genetic blueprints from before time began present a few drastic outcomes to one’s existence.

Some excellent people are fine tuning my ticker with an exotic cocktail of legal pharmaceuticals as if the engine of an Indy winning race car. My life is being measured in mililigrams of obscure chemicals that lower pressure in the ticker and other bodily functions.

The prognosis is excellent and with mobile technology I can download ITunes music at 3:00 AM while sending out for ice and toast and providing continuous data plugged into mobile gear significantly larger than either the Apple iWatch and Microsoft Band.

The experiences of the past several months have tempered my enthusiasm for criticism of our government. After all they fund and maintain the free healthcare system that kept me from a probable and premature MeetUp in the sky.

It is with some joy one finds Bob Dylan fans among medical staff for midnight chats about concerts and if Dylan is not here or all there. My pre-breakfast meds arrived so I will break off. Cheers.

By Stephen Pate, NJN Network

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