This article was last updated on April 16, 2022
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To find this out, the researchers gathered 91 couples (86 heterosexual and five same-sex) for a role-playing exercise. Each person in the couple was randomly assigned one of two roles: the support provider or the support recipient. The couples were then given a topic to discuss on camera for five minutes. This topic was either one of the support receiver's personal stressors (like work pressures or family issues) or a point of conflict between the two of them (like jealousy or lack of communication).
Overall, support providers who rated themselves as more concerned about their partner's problem were perceived as more responsive by their partners. But when support providers rated themselves as less concerned, their partners reported feeling that he or she didn't fully understand or care about them. In other words, if participants truly empathized with their partners' distress, they responded in a more concerned and thoughtful way — and it showed.
Of course, these findings aren't groundbreaking — truly caring about your partner probably does make a big difference in how effectively you communicate. And even though the sample was fairly small, it's nice to have a study remind us that we probably shouldn't just mindlessly listen to our partners talk about his or her bad day. A little compassion goes a long way.
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